I almost lost my temper again and was ready to fight at the gym last night. However, the tool I’ve been studying saved me.
One of the instructors at the gym was yelling at me because I didn’t hear her say, “Hey, Don’t leave the class pass; keep it with you.” I was lost in thought and missed her instruction. She shouted at me, shaking her head in a way that made me feel as if she thought, “What’s wrong with her? Stupid.” She didn’t say it, but her gesture and loud voice conveyed that sentiment. I smiled and said, “Sorry, I was thinking about something else.”
Before the class started, we were supposed to hand over our class passes. All the members did the same, and so did I. However, she spoke to the other members in a friendly manner, with a smile and a low voice. I felt stupid. Negative thoughts overwhelmed me: “Does she dislike me, and rude to me because I’m a Asian woman?” I felt humiliated and almost confronted her, thinking, “Hey, you didn’t have to shout at me! Why are you yelling at me and being nice to others? Are you racist?” I was so close to reacting.
But immediately, I told myself, “She can’t control my feelings. I’m fine. No one can hurt my feelings or change who I am. Ignore it; it’s not worth it. If I say something, I give her the power to control me. Forget about it; I am a better person than she is.” Instead, when she was collecting the class passes, I showed her mine with a big smile and said loudly, “THANK YOU.” I felt great. I told myself, “Wow, Celine, you’ve grown up. The personal development journey is working. It saved my night.”
If this had happened earlier, before I started pursuing personal growth, I would have had a big argument with her, leaving me feeling ashamed, regretful, and ruining my night.
Instead of having a stressful night, I slept like a baby and woke up feeling great.
I might be too sensitive to this type of issue due to past racist experiences. However, no one can control my emotions and feelings—it’s my brain and heart. I am the only one who can control and own them. Life is too short to argue about such things. I would rather focus on helping others or contributing to making the world a better place because that makes my heart race and feel great.
That’s one of the reasons I am alive.
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