Sometimes I catch myself asking,
“Why am I saying yes to this?
Am I doing it because I want to, or because I’m scared of upsetting someone?”
That’s the fawn response.
It happens when you put everyone else first to avoid conflict, criticism, or disappointment.
I’ve done it many times, and it took me a while to realise I was abandoning my own needs.
But you can stop people pleasing, and it starts with small moments of awareness.
1. Notice your actions
I ask myself simple questions like,
“Am I doing this because I want to?”
“Does this match my values and who I really am?”
“Is this my true choice, or am I doing it to keep someone happy?”
These questions gently bring me back to myself.
2. Validate your feelings
When the people pleasing patterns show up, I remind myself,
“People pleasing was my survival tool. I was trying to avoid conflict.”
“I’m allowed to take time to change this. I don’t need anyone’s approval.”
“I’m brave for trying to stop this pattern.”
Even one sentence of self compassion can shift your whole day.
3. Build healthier relationships
Showing up differently might mean setting boundaries or limiting contact with people who don’t respect your needs.
It feels uncomfortable at first, but it brings so much peace.
4. Value yourself beyond approval
People pleasers often build their identity around being liked.
I’m learning to build mine around what truly matters to me.
That looks like,
pursuing my own goals,
doing hobbies that make me happy,
accepting that it’s okay if someone doesn’t like me, because I don’t need their approval.
Healing the fawn response is not about being selfish,
it’s about being authentic and honouring who you are. 
Resource from psychcentral.com
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