I feel like I’m living in hell right now.
My dad is very sick and currently unconscious.
The best part of the last 6 weeks was simply being beside him.
His smile was one of the reasons I could keep going.
At the same time, there was a lot happening.
The conflict with my brother left me with bruises and scratches.
Yes, my brother became violent.
The sadness about Dad and the violence from my brother became too much.
Some days, I was simply surviving one day at a time.
Many moments, I wished this stage of my life would hurry up and pass.
Then one friend who recently lost her dad told me something that changed how I cope.
She said:
“When my dad died, I suffered so much. Looking back, I wish I didn’t suffer that much because all that suffering didn’t bring my dad back. Time passed anyway. The suffering only affected my health.”
That stayed with me.
Especially at night.
When sadness, fear, anger, and dark thoughts come, I now ask myself:
“Will suffering more help this situation?”
For me, the answer is usually no.
The sadness is already there.
Why create more suffering on top of suffering?
So now I remind myself:
“My dad will always stay in my heart.”
“I don’t want grief, anger, or someone else’s behaviour to take away my peace too.”
This doesn’t remove the sadness.
I still feel sad.
My brain still feels foggy.
But something changed.
I’m still getting up.
Still doing small things I want to do.
Still trying to protect my health.
Because one day, I will look back on this stage of my life.
And I want to say:
“I’m glad I didn’t let grief and difficult people take everything from me.”
Reflection questions:
• Am I focusing on things I cannot change?
• What do my family and I need most right now?
• When I look back later, how do I want to remember this stage of my life?
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