How I Learned to Speak Up and Build My Confidence

There was a time in my life when I struggled to speak up, even when others treated me unfairly. My inability to stand up for myself caused me so much pain—I hated myself, spent sleepless nights crying, and watched my relationships and surroundings crumble.

Silent Struggles: Navigating Fear and Workplace Inequality

As a soft-spoken Asian woman in the workplace, I was often taken advantage of. Colleagues regularly pushed physically demanding tasks onto me—duties that weren’t even part of my role. Despite being their professional equal, I followed their instructions out of fear—fear of being rejected or excluded by the group.

This fear made me an easy target. My silence brought more unfairness, and the emotional weight was overwhelming. My self-esteem hit rock bottom, my days felt unbearable, and I turned to alcohol in a desperate attempt to cope.

How I Overcame Bullying and Unfairness

Overcoming bullying and unfairness in the workplace was not easy, but here’s how I did it:

• Spoke Up and Stood My Ground
  • Pursuing self-development through podcasts, blogs, and books helped me realize that staying silent not only allowed the unfairness to continue toward me but also made them think they were doing the right thing. Because by staying silent, I was essentially accepting the bullying. They need to be made aware that it is wrong.
• Focused on Self-Development
  • I immersed myself in self-development by:
    • Taking courses related to personal growth.
    • Reading books, and listening to audiobooks.
    • Exploring blogs and podcasts that inspired confidence and resilience.
  • Through this, I learned that bullies often don’t realize they’re in the wrong unless someone points it out. Otherwise, they might continue bullying others as well.
• Reported the Bullying
  • I wrote a detailed letter to the manager reporting the bullying, though it was ignored.
  • Although I didn’t have the courage to confront the manager or supervisor face-to-face, I refused to ignore the situation. I was afraid of losing my job, which hurt my self-esteem. With no one to ask for advice, I turned to books for guidance, practiced empowering self-talk, and wrote in my journal about the pros and cons of speaking up. This helped me realize there was nothing to fear because I was doing the right thing. It also reminded me that the manager and supervisor are just human beings, possibly someone’s mother or father.

• Prepared for the Worst
  • I made a list of the pros and cons of potentially losing my job.
  • I had already prepared to start my own business and knew similar jobs were available in the field.
  • This mindset helped me feel empowered and fearless.
• Took Action Confidently
  • When the right moment came, I calmly but firmly addressed the issue by sharing how their actions made me feel and asking how they would feel if someone treated them the same way. I also asked how they would react if their sister, daughter, or son had an experience like mine. I made sure to speak in a polite and friendly manner while staying honest and true to my feelings.
  • I also reminded myself that they weren’t better than me—this realization boosted my confidence.

Turning Things Around: The Role of Personal Development

Embarking on a journey of personal development was a turning point in my life, bringing me clarity, wisdom, confidence, and a deeper sense of self-awareness. Most importantly, it taught me these valuable truths:

I am a good person and deserve the same respect as anyone else.

Everyone deserves to be treated fairly, regardless of their role or background.

Respecting myself means being honest in unfair situations and not staying silent. If I disagree, I need to speak up and stay true to myself, as staying silent would mean agreeing with them and lying to myself.

Lessons Learned and the Changes I Made

Today, I am confident in my ability to distinguish right from wrong. I frequently remind myself that we are all equal, regardless of status, wealth, age, gender, or skin color.

Studying effective communication has transformed how I interact with others. It has empowered me to express myself assertively and address unfairness, discrimination, or racism in a clearer and more effective way.

A New Chapter: Confidence and Self-Assurance

This experience has helped me approach life more wisely. I now carry myself with confidence and no longer allow others to take advantage of me. At the end of the day, I smile instead of cry.

Through this journey, I’ve learned to value and respect myself. I’ve realized I am far more capable and worthy than I ever believed.

A Message for You. Let this serve as a reminder:

• Commit to personal growth.

• Keep learning and reflecting on yourself.

• Be aware of what you are doing.

• Most importantly, respect yourself.